Movie Review: Ladder 49

Starring Joachim Phoenix, John Travolta and Robert Patrick.

Every single person in this movie is a fireman, but none of them have mustache. Who are you trying to fool, guys?

Even Joachim Phoenix, who has that weird upper lip thing. You'd think if anyone was going to grow a mustache, it would be the guy with a weird upper lip thing who was also a fireman. This makes it difficult to believe his character.

One star out of twenty.

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjabutt

If you have any memories of childhood, you know that the best thing in life in those days was making fun of other kids' names. And no one had a name more enjoyable to make fun of than kids with the name "Benjamin." You could call these kids "Ben Dover," or you could call them "Ben Gay." But the best of all was the most withering of all name-mockeries: "Benjabutt."

(Full disclosure: I'm not entirely sure, but I think that I might have invented "Benjabutt" when I was in third grade. So, if you've ever entertained yourself by calling one of your classmates "Benjabutt," your welcome.)

So what would happen if someone was actually born with the name, "Benjamin Button"? That's the subject of the new Paramount Pictures movie starring Brad Pitt.

The central tragedy of Benjamin Button's life is that he can never tell people to stop calling him Benjabutt because that's his real name... or at least a legitimate diminuative of it. How could a boy ever cope with such a burden? Can you imagine if he ended up in the third grade with a classmate like me? He would be scarred for life!

From the trailer I watched, it looks like the way he copes is to age backwards from a seventy year-old man. That way, when he's in grade school, he'll have sixty odd years of experience and emotional maturity to handle being called Benjabutt every single day of his miserable existence.

An ingenious plot twist, but I don't think it will work. "Benjabutt" is just too powerful. No mere mortal can withstand it's ego-crushing force. The Curious Case of Benjabutt could only work as a tragedy, not the romantic comedy its being billed as.

Two out of four stars.

No Country for Old Men

Josh Brolin finds $2 million dollars in a satchel at the beginning of the movie. He totally tooks to me like a less-smirky Burt Reynolds, circa 1975. But with longer hair. I dunno, maybe that's just me.

Javier Barden has terrible Prince Valiant helmet-hair and kills people. The movie makes his character "complex" by having him sometimes not kill people.

Tommy Lee Jones has regular-bad-haircut-boring hair and acts as our "anchor" character by sometimes taking interest in the plot and mumbling his general disapproval of it.

The ending was totally intellectual and I didn't understand it at all. I take it that was done on purpose.

When I rented this movie, I thought this was the one with the guy who says, "I drink your milkshake!" (see link) but it's not. That's apparantly in another movie. So, if you want to see the guy who says "I drink your milkshake," don't do what I did and rent "No Country for Old Men." You'll just end up disappointed.

300 on DVD: Prepare for Glory, But No Blooper Reel

Last time I was at Blockbuster, the guy at the counter said I'd get a free rental if I pre-ordered 300 on DVD. Of course, Blockbuster totally overcharges DVD's for sale, effectively cancelling out my free rental; but I was in a rare mood of weak sales resistance and went ahead with the pre-order.

So 300 is released today, so I went back to Blockbuster to pick up my copy. I brought it home, popped it in my DVD player, and this is th screen that comes up... Look at it closely and see if you can tell me what is wrong with this picture:
That's right. One of the menu options is labeled "Special Features." But there are clearly no "Special Features" on this disc. If you go to "Special Features," this is what you get:
Okay, I don't know what you would consider to be a "special" feature, but I haven't seen features this ordinary since I bought the DVD of Schindler's List. All you get is a commentary by director, the writer, and the director of photography--all of whom you've never heard of before. Commentaries by writers and not-famous directors are the booby prize of DVD Special Features.

300 doesn't even come with "Theatrical Trailer." I thought "Theatrical Trailer" was supposed to be standard! But you know what should be standard for DVD Special Features? Blooper Reels!

Nothin jazzes up your average ho-hum DVD like classy Blooper Reel. Imagine how much more you would appreciate your Schindler's List DVD if it had come with a Blooper Reel?

LIAM NEESON: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people. (removes Nazi pin from lapel) This pin. Two people. This is gold. Twenty more people. He would have given me twenty for it, at least, uh one... uh... wait. (breaking character) How many was I supposed to get for the pin?

STEVEN SPIELBERG: (offscreen) Two! Two! (laughs)

LIAM NEESON: How many did I say?

BEN KINGSLEY: (laughing hysterically) You said twenty!

LIAM NEESON: (chuckling) Well, I can't believe I thought Amon would give me--

BEN KINGSLEY: You wanted Amon to give you twenty for a gold pin!

LIAN NEESON: (buffooning) Well, it is a nice pin.

BEN KINGSLEY: Ha! Ha! Twenty!

LIAM NEESON: Where's Amon? Hey! Someone get Ralph back on the set! Someone ask him how much I'll get for this very nice pin...

Entire cast and crew break down into hysterics.

Couldn't you just watch that kind of thing for hours? Well, I say that if Schindler's List could have been saved with a Blooper Reel, there's no reason 300 shouldn't have one. I am sick and tired of having to wait until the Tenth Anniversary Special Collector's Edition just to get the good stuff. It's time we demand more from our DVD's! It's time we settle for nothing less than a Blooper Reel for every movie.

300 also comes with an Easter Egg mini featurette where director Zack Snyder explains how he managed to convince the suits at Warner Bros. to let him make this weird movie. They show a little one-minute clip of a sample fight sequence that Snyder used to illustrate to the execs what the movie was going to look like. Mildly interesting but hardly a substitute for a good, solid hour of Blooper Reel.

Guestblogger Arnold Reviews "Anne of Green Gables"

(Steak is taking Easter Monday off. Filling in for Steak is Guestblogger Arnold who wishes to use this forum to opine on his favorite movie)

ACHTUNG!! HELLO'Z TO ZE PEOPLEZ!! NOW IT IZ ZE TIME TO TALKENZ ABOUT ZE FINEST MOVIEZ!!! I AM TALKZING ABOUTEN ZE MOVIE OF ZE ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ!! IT IZ ZE BEST!!

MARILLA AND ZE MATTHEW CUTHBERT'S WERE TO ADOPTZEN ZE LITTLE BOY!! INSTEAD ZEY GOTZEN ZE ANNE OF GREEN GABLESEZ!! SHE IZ ZE PRECOCIOUSZEN REDHEADZ ZAT VILL TURN ZE CUTHBERTS'ZEN LIVES UPS SIDEZENZE DOWNZ!!! SHE SPELLZEN ZE "ANNE" WITHEN ZE "E"!!! LOL!!

I HATEN ZE GILBERT BLYTHE!! I VANT TO RIPPENZE OFF HIZ ARM AND BEATENZ HIM TO DEATH!! YOU LEAVE ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ ALONE, GILBERTZ BLYTHE!!!

ZEN COMEN ZE PART THAT YOUZE VILL NOT BELIEVE!! ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ DYEZ HER HAIRZ GREEN!! MARILLA IZ SO ANGRY, SHE VILL KILL ZE ANNE!! NOW ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ MUSTEN CUT OFFEN ZE HAIR!!!

DIANNA BERRY IZZEN ZE BEST FRIENDZ VITH ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ!! BUT DIANNA BERRY GETZ DRUNKENZ FROM ZE CURRANT WINE!!! IT LOOKS LIKE ZE END OF ZE FRENDSHIP FOR DIANNA BERRY ANDZ ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLESEZ!!! ROFL!!!
AFTERZ ZAT, ZE CUTHBERTS HAVEN ZE NO MORE MONEYZ!! ZAT MEANZ MATTHEW CAN'TZ LIVE ANYMORE!! HE GETZEN ZE HEART ATTACKZ!!!! LMAO!!!

NOW ANNE OF ZE GREEN GABLEZ IZ GETTINGZ MARRIED TO ZE GILBERT BLYTHE!! IT IZ SO SURPRIZINGZ!! I WAZ THINKINGZ SHE HATENZ ZE GILBERT BLYTHE!!! BUT NOW SHE LOVEZ HIM AND IZZEN TO GET MARRIEDZ!!! ZE PLOT TWIST!!!

ZIS MOVIEZ IZZEN MINE VERY FAVORITES IN ZE WHOLE WORLDZ!! YOU VILL VATCH IT NOW OR YOU VILL BE GETTING KILLED BY ME!!! IT IZ ZAT GOODZ!!!

RATING: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Gauntlet is Thrown!

In the comments below, ZeroMusic issues a challenge! His demand is simple: review more movies without actually watching them!

That's fair enough. And it's the perfect intro to my review for the movie Tamara.

Although I've never watched Tamara, I've seen the box for it often on the shelves at Blockbuster. Of course, that was some time ago. By now, poor Tamara has gone where we all knew she was destined to go: the Bargain Bin of the Pre-Viewed movie section. And though I have not seen Tamara's sultry face in a while, I think of her sometimes, and I wonder who it was that eventually bought her.

Was it the White Trash Loser Guy? Whenever I see a movie cover like Tamara's I usually associate it with some dude in a wife-beater t-shirt, boxer-shorts-above-the-waist-baggy jeans, and a patchy moustache. He's the kind of guy you often see riding a moped because he lost his license for a year with his last DUI. And his DVD collection consists almost entirely of R rated movies featuring hot, weapon-wielding chicks.

But, then again, maybe it was Chubby Goth Girl who got you, Tamara. With her multiple piercings, her black cutoff cargo pants and her black Airwalk sneakers, Chubby Goth Girl would have been unable to resist your DVD cover and its promise of dark, pseudo-feminist high school revenge fantasy.

I suppose I'll never know who ended up owning you, Tamara. All I know is that it will never be me. And that is a tragedy since Tamara is clearly high-quality movie making of the first order.

This is evident from the slug-line alone: "Revenge Has a Killer Body." When it comes to first-class movies, you can always separate the sheep from the goats simply by observing the quality of the slug-line.

For example, the slug-line for Schindler's List ("Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire") had syntax that was too convoluted entire, while the slug-line for Saving Private Ryan ("In the Last Great Invasion of the Last Great War, The Greatest Danger for Eight Men was Saving... One") was just damn wordy. Pure crap!

Tamara's slug-line, by contrast, is near perfection. "Revenge Has a Killer Body." Just so. For not only is Tamara's body "killer" in the sense that she is using her body to hold a fire axe that she clearly intends to "kill" people with, but it is also "killer" in the sense that she is really hot and wearing a sexy outfit!

You see, there are layers of meaning to this slug-line.

This slug-line obviously took hours, if not years, to construct. So if the geniuses behind Tamara spent this kind of time, effort and inspiration on the slug-line alone, you can only imagine the resources they expended on the movie itself!

And what of the movie itself? Well, according to IMDb, this movie is about how the eponymous Tamara, "an unattractive girl, who is picked on by her peers returns after her death as a sexy seductress to exact revenge."

This movie premise has the two essential ingredients for a classic:

FIRST, the ugly-pretty girl. It's been far too long since I've seen a movie where everyone pretends that a pretty girl is ugly until she takes off her glasses or does something with her hair.

SECOND, the living dead girl. This movie absolutely has to include a scene in which one of Tamara's enemies stabs her with something that, according to every law of biology, ought to be fatal. Then, to her enemy's growing horror, Tamara rises, extracts the stabbing weapon painlessly from her flesh, and states the following line: "You can't kill me. I'm already dead!"

The second one is utterly non-negotiable for me. If it turns out that Tamara never once says the line, "You can't kill me. I'm already dead" in this movie, I completely and without reservation withdraw every good thing I have said about it in this review and assign it a score of zero.

But as for now, I will operate under the well-founded assumption that Tamara does in fact tell a character in this movie that they can't kill her because she's already dead, and I recommend this movie wholeheartedly. Order your copy today! If it's still available in the Bargain Bin of your local Blockbuster's Pre-Viewed movie section!

RATING: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

300, the Movie

I went to see 300 last night; it's the movie everyone's talking about. This movie has been generating a lot of “buzz” due to the way it diligently recreates the look and feel of the Frank Miller comic book even when it is an obviously bad idea to do so.

Look at this image from the movie and tell me, quickly, what’s wrong with it:

That’s right! The colors are far too bright and vibrant! King Leonidas is angry here because he thinks this frame needs to have the colors desaturated much more.

Be careful King Leonidas! If you desaturate the color too much, you’ll turn into a complete monochrome! But King Leonidas doesn’t care! He wants his extreme close-ups to show the pores on his glare-white skin like craters on the bleached surface of the moon!

Color desaturation is King Leonidas’ favorite. Here he is in a scene from the movie where he yells for more desaturation:

I have no idea how they got the frame this weird yellowy color that makes King Leonidas look like a cartoon. It looks like they desaturated the hell out of it and then restored the color using the old Ted Turner method. Whatever they did, King Leonidas hates it! He's full of rage!

Xerxes couldn’t agree more. Here he is comforting King Leonidas with a shoulder massage:

King Leonidas’ beard is amazing, and Xerxes' hands are so big! Together they make a great team!

So get ready for the movie that’s got it all: glory, adventure, bullet-time head chopping, naked underwater girl, fake-looking blood splatter, Xerxes, bullet-time arm chopping, skin pores, phalanx, no hobbits, bullet-time chest stabbing, leather Speedos, dead bodies, Spartan packages, rhino charge, and extraneous voiceover narration.

Movies don't get more comic book than this!

RATING: 4 out of 5 stars

Bodacious: The Master of Disaster

According to the back of the box of this video, "If you only purchase one video in your lifetime, this is it!" It’s BODACIOUS, The Master of Disaster!

Yes, learn how this 1800 lb. charbray bull became a living legend on the rodeo circuit in the mid ‘90’s. He thrilled crowds and intimidated riders with his astonishing 95% buck off rate!

Thats right, I said buck off rate!

The narration to this video provides enlightening commentary, explaining how Bodacious was really good at bucking, that he bucked even the best riders, and that he loved to buck, buck, BUCK!!!

And also that he had a 95% buck off rate!!! Do you have a 95% buck off rate? Bodacious does!

Besides commentary that uses the word "buck" in every conceivable tense and declension, this video also boasts many poorly edited clips of Bodacious’ televised rides.

Order your copy today!

Movie Review: The Sound of Music

This movie starts out the way every movie should: with Julie Andrews singing and spinning. And spinning!

Meanwhile, the other singing nuns are lamenting, and Mother Superior calls Julie Andrews into her office. "Look, this just isn’t working," she says. "The nuns are all performing satirical musical numbers about what a terrible nun you are. Can't you take a hint and leave already?"

That's how Julie Andrews ends up at the Von Trapp's Big, Square Mansion where she forms a positive impression on the entire household by feigning hemorrhoids and making children cry at the dinner table.

But trouble looms! Liesel is out too late with Boyfriend Rolf and gets locked out of the Big, Square Mansion. Fortunately, Julie Andrews lets her in and wins the childrens’ eternal love by singing about her Favorite Things, which, oddly, include "whiskers on kittens."

Usually people like the whole kitten, but not Julie Andrews. She only likes the whiskers. I have a mental image of Julie Andrews stalking kittens with the intent of ripping out their whiskers for her collection. Creepy.

So the kids all love her, now, and they go gallivanting all about the Austrian countryside wearing Julie Andrews's old drapes.

But Christopher Plummer is non-plussed.

Who cares!?! The children just want to sing! They ask Julie Andrews to give them voice lessons. She obliges them by teaching them a pneumonic device for remembering the phrase, "do re me fa so la te do." Which is absolutely useless to anyone who wants to know how to control their vocal range, but the children are soon singing like angels shortly after committing it to memory.

Christopher Plummer is very non-plussed.

Something's gotta be done about this guy! What's his deal, anyway?

Maybe a puppet-show would help!

Sure enough, Christopher Plummer’s heart is soon melting like a hollow chocolate Easter bunny in the microwave as he gives a tearful rendition of "Edelweiss."

I bet you think that this means the Von Trapps will be singing in the Salzburg Music Festival. Well, they’re not! So stop asking about it Uncle Max!

Instead of singing in the Salzburg Music Festival, Christopher Plummer decides to throw a party in honor of Baroness Schraeder, despite the fact that Baroness Schraeder is such a bitch. She takes Julie Andrews aside and gives her the “Julie and Plummer sittin’ in a tree, / K-I-S-S-I-N-G” treatment. How embarrassing! It’s enough to send Julie right back to the convent!

FAST FORWARD A FEW WEEKS!!! Baroness Schraeder is engaged to Christopher Plummer and forming plans to ship all those little Von Trapp brats off to boarding school. Christopher Plummer remains ignorant of her machinations and stays blithely engaged to her as though nothing is wrong. I don't blame him; Baroness Schraeder is hot.

Meanwhile, back at the convent, Mother Superior calls Julie Andrews back into her office. "Exactly what part of ‘You don’t have a vocation to be a nun’ do you not understand?” she says. “Get out of my convent, or I'm going to start singing. Now."

A few moments after that, Julie Andrews is back in the gardens of the Big, Square Mansion, holding her guitar case aloft, being greeted by overjoyed Von Trapp children. Hooray!

Baroness Schraeder is non-plussed.

Christopher Plummer forgets all about his previous engagement, and after a duet with Julie Andrews, it's Wedding Time!!!

Even the cloistered nuns get the day off to attend. And as Julie Andrews glides gracefully down the aisle, the nuns sing, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" On her wedding day.

Could the nuns be any more rude? I ask you to picture the scene: You're in you wedding dress; the Bridal March begins. All of the sudden, forty nuns break through the doors, pour into the pews, and start singing a song that goes something like this: What the hell's the matter with (Your Name)? / Why does she smell so bad and drink so much? / She's got a mountain of gambling debts / A mouth like a sailor with tourette's / Any guy who’d marry her must be a putsch!

Nevermind. Everyone so happy, now that Baroness Schraeder's gone! Yay! Uncle Max is so happy that he signs up the Von Trapp's to sing in the Salzburg Music Festival!

Uncle Max, you jerk! If we wanted to sing in your stupid little Salzburg Music Festival, we'd have signed ourselves up. Now get out of my Big, Square Mansion!

I swear. Uncle Max just does not know when to drop a subject sometimes.

Anyways, happy times! Except that the Nazis have taken over Austria and Christopher Plummer is called into military service to fight for the Nazis.

Only one thing to do: perform in the Salzburg Music Festival!

Yes! They have only decided to enroll in the singing contest, like, five minutes beforehand, and also they have no time for any rehearsals, and plus, they have not even prepared a list of songs to sing from. But despite all those setbacks . . . they win the Salzburg Music Festival!!!

Unbelievable!!!

Oh. And also, they slip out the back door before the winners are called to the stage. 'Cause, y'know, Nazis chasing them and all.

Well, you can't give the Nazis the slip that easily! Within minutes, they have tracked the Von Trapps straight to the convent where they are hiding out.

Gee whiz, how did the Nazis ever find them there? It’s not as though Julie Andrews tries to hide from her life there every single time it isn’t going the way she wants it to! What are the odds?

Fortunately, the nuns know a few tricks about auto mechanics. (Pull out random engine parts and the car won't start!) After the nuns commit this horrific deed, they make their confessions to Mother Superior, who reminds them that nuns can't give absolution. The nuns seem woefully uninformed about Catholic doctrine on this point.

But everything's A-Okay for the Von Trapp family! They're in the mountains! Looking around! They appear to be about a thousand miles from the nearest sign of civilization! Hooray! Roll credits!
RATING: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

A night at the Oscars!

Ho-Kay! I don't know if any of y'all watched the Oscars last night (I didn't) or any of the nominated movies (I didn't), but I've decided to write up movie reviews of the movies that won in all categorys. Are you ready? Great! Let's start with...

THE DEPARTED: Best Picture, Best Director (Martin Scorsese), Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Film Editing (Thelma Schoonmaker)

Finally! A crime drama that is described by critics as "gritty." I am so sick of all those non-"gritty" crime dramas.

And Jack Nicholson shaved his head! No, not for his role in the movie. He just shaved it and showed up for the Oscars that way! I wonder if this is like one of those "showing solidarity" things that some of Britney Spears's fans are doing. Is Jack a Britney fan? I never would have guessed!
RATING: 4 out of 5 stars

THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND: Best Actor (Forest Whitaker)

'K. So I know that our society is supposed to be "colorblind" when it comes to race. But... C'mon. Forest Whitaker is clearly not Scottish in any way. I wonder if his Scottish brogue is even convincing.
RATING: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

THE QUEEN: Best Actress (Dame Helen Mirren)

A movie about how Tony Blair had to persuade Queen Elizabeth II that it would be a good idea for her to say something nice about Diana after the fateful paparazzi-induced car crash that took her life. It's like they took the most boring incident of a celebrity death and made a movie out of it. Like if they made a movie about what Za Za Gabor's husband was doing when he heard Anna Nicole was dead.
RATING: 2 out of 5 stars

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE: Best Supporting Actor (Alan Arkin), Best Original
Screenplay

I actually saw this movie! It was okay, I guess.
RATING: 3 out of 5 stars

DREAMGIRLS: Best Supporting Actress (Jennifer Hudson), Best Sound Mixing (Willie Burton, Bob Beemer & Michael Minkler)

Prior to this movie, Jennifer Hudson's only claim to fame was being voted off American Idol. Now look at her! Not just "Best Actress," but "Best Supporting Actress"!
RATING: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

HAPPY FEET: Animated Feature

If I had to come up with a two-word formula for making a great movie, it would be this: Gay Cowboys Penguins.
RATING: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH: Best Documentary Feature, Music (Song: "I Need to Wake Up" - Melissa Etheridge)

Melissa Etheridge is the queen of radio filler material. How did she ever win an Oscar?

Here's the Melissa Etheridge Secret Formula for writing a Radio Song: Step 1) Address the song to your ambiguous gender-nonspecific lover. Step 2) Make sure the music sounds indistinguishable from every other song you've ever written. Step 3) Craft lyrics that are complete nonsense.

Here are the words to the Melissa Etheridge song, "Come to My Window" with my commentary in parentheses added:

I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
(She makes this sound like a big deal. It's not like dialing a phone is that hard to do.)
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
(Kind of a jump there. "Not only would I dial a phone, I'd also hold hands with death while burning in hell!" One takes almost no effort, and the other is extreme to the extent that it's not really feasable. And why does she call it "my" hell? Does she own a hell? Does she have to pay property taxes on it?)
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you
(In order to find out how far and how much we have to wait for the chorus...)

chorus:
Come to my window
(So she starts out the song talking about the outrageous lengths she would go to just to reach her gender-nonspecific lover. But when we get to the chorus, it turns out that it's the gender-nonspecific lover who has to make the effort to come over to Melissa's house! The cheek of it!)
Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon
(Why can't her gender-nonspecific lover go in by the door? Why does s/he have to endure the indignity of crawling through the window? And why does s/he have to wait in moonlight? Melissa really loves her gender-nonspecific lover, but God forbid s/he use Melissa's electricity!)
Come to my window
I'll be home soon
(Melissa's not even home?! What the heck!? If she's going to make her gender-nonspecific lover take the trouble to go to her house, the least Melissa could do is be there to meet shim.)

Keeping my eyes open I cannot afford to sleep
(Why not? Is it expensive to sleep where Melissa lives? Can she afford catnaps?)
Giving away promises I know that I can't keep
Nothing fills the blackness
That has seeped into my chest
(How do you fill something that seeps? Seepage is usually something that fills up other things.)
I need you in my blood
(This makes it sounds like the gender-nonspecific lover carries an infectious disease. Ew.)
I am forsaking all the rest
(Talk about commitment! Melissa will forsake dating anyone else for her gender-nonspecific lover!)
Just to reach you
Just to reach you...
repeat chorus:

What does this song have to do with Al Gore's global warming movie? Absolutely nothing. But I always get really annoyed whenever I hear "Come to My Window" on the radio. The Song Melissa wrote and sang for An Inconvenient Truth was too crappy to ever play on the radio.
RATING 3 3/4 out of 5 stars

PAN'S LABRYNTH: Best Art Direction (Eugenio Caballero & Pilar Revuelta),
Best Makeup(David Marti And Montse Ribe), Best CinematographyGuillermo Navarro

This must be such a great movie to have cleaned up in all of these meaningless categories! Good job!
RATING: 4 out of 5 stars

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST: Best Visual Effects (John
Knoll, Allen Hall, Charles Gibson & Hal Hickel)

If I had to come up with a two-word formula for making a great movie, it would be this: Gay Cowboys Penguins Pirates.
2 1/2 out of 5 stars

THE LIVES OF OTHERS: Foreign Language Film, BABEL: Music (Score), THE DANISH POET: Best Animated Short Film, WEST BANK STORY: Best Live Action Film Short, FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS:Best Sound Editing (lan Robert Murray & Bub Asman), MARIE ANTOINETTE: Best Costume Design (Milena Canonero), and THE BLOOD OF THE YINGZHOU DISTRICT: Best Documentary Short

The movies that won the rest of the categories are all great movies. I will be sure to watch every single one of them very soon.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Well, that wraps that up! Til next year!

UPDATE!

Due to popular demand I have changed the color of my font to make it less blinding. You like? Also, I made the "Steak Rules" title even more huge. I think it's an improvement.