Divers Attacked by Jumbo Flying Squid

Flying quid? For real?





And apparently the maw isn't the only thing you have to beware of with these evil suckers. They even have teeth in their tentacles.

The squids have been spotted near the beaches of San Diego.

"Dracula Fish" Somewhat Disappointing

A TINY fish with vampire-like fangs has been discovered by zoologists.



They look pretty wicked, but at 17 mm long--a little over half an inch--I seriously doubt they'd be that scary if you met them face to face.

The Creepiest Fish of All

I should have posted this last week, but I'm a little behind on stuff.

Fish with human faces spotted in South Korea:



"'My fish have been getting more and more human for the past couple of years,' the owner said."

I love weird fish as much as anyone, but these guys give me nightmares.

Huzzah! Some Guy Catches a Corpse-Eating Mutant Catfish!

After this terrible week, we could all use some cheering up. So I'm posting this picture of this guy and the mutant man-eating catfish that he caught:



It's always a good time when I find a "Weird Fish" story to blog about, so this ends the week on a high note.

Read about the mutant catfish HERE.

More Weird Fish...

... Because weird fish is what makes everyone happy. I know Scruffy McGee loves 'em, and a cursory view of who's been visiting this blog tells me that if a Google Search brought you to Steak Rules, you were probably doing a search for "weird fish."

Plus, I haven't updated in a while, and I want something quick 'n' easy. So a news article from last week about the discovery of New and Freakishly Large Fish was exactly what I was looking for. Here are some pictures...

... A shot of the ocean floor, which looks a lot more like Thai food than I had origionally realized:


Weird see-through "tulips," that look to me like the glass onions the Beatles used to sing about:


And a fat ol' sea worm, everyone's favorite.


And for you fans of Weird Fish in the news, I've even added "Weird Fish" as a label. Enjoy!

Awesome! Hideousely Evil Killer Fish Sparks Fears of Deadly Invasion!

Check out THIS bad boy:



It's the killer snakehead fish. These puppies can grow up to three feet long, weigh 44 pounds, and can crawl out of water and survive for four days. And now, according to the Headline of the Day, this Human-killing fish strikes fear into Brits.

The snakehead, native to south-east Asia, caused some concern among English fishermen and conservationists when this highly invasive species, which as the Headline of the Day points out has been known to kill humans, was caught in Lincolnshire.

Key Quote: An Environment Agency source told The Sun: "The reaction was, 'Oh s***.'"



Oh s*** indeed!

Jellyfish Prove to be More Deadly, Awesome, than I had Previously Suspected

The Telegraph reports on the population explosion of killer jellyfish. They are box jellyfish, a species so venemous that just a touch can cause agonizing death within three minutes.

Key Quote from the story: "Scientists are warning that their populations are exploding and will pose a monumental problem unless they are stopped." Man, doesn't that just sound like the beginning of a horror movie?



The story of how this population explosion came about is something straight from a horror movie as well: As food supplies began to dwindle out at sea, swarms of box jellyfish began to move inland. In order to preserve their fish stocks from the jellyfish that were moving in, Japanese fishermen decided to cull the jellyfish numbers by using fleets of fishing boats to drag razor wire through the swarms. According to the article, this plan "backfired spectacularly."

Scientists discovered all too late that box jellyfish are genetically programed to propogate their species by going into a breeding frenzy whenever there is a sustained attack on a significant number of their population.

Check out what a swarm of box jellyfish looks like. How would you like to see these bad boys showing up at your birthday party?



The Telegraph includes some bullet-pointed Fun Facts that drive home just how horrifically awesome these evil bastards are:

• Four brains that operate competitively in the search for food.

• A highly complex sensory capacity and the ability to distinguish colour.

• The ability to live in inhospitable waters at a depth of up to 10,900 metres (over 35,760 feet).

• A total of 24 eyes with moveable pupils giving them 360-degree visibility.

• Box jellyfish have 6-8ft long tentacles. Just 5-6ft across the body is enough to kill a human in 180 seconds.

• Venom is released on contact - even after it is dead - and each creature has 4000,000,000 venomous fibres.

• Humans who have been stung and survived have needed 30-40 milligrams of morphine. A broken leg requires between 5-10 milligrams.

• Despite decades of study scientists have been unable to unravel the mysteries of its complex venom but it is known to contain 20 different proteins.

We are totally doomed.

Are You Insured Against Nessie Attacks?

You know what I hate most about competing in duathlons held in Scotland? You sign up, you start to race, and just when you think you're going to win... BAM! You get eaten by the Loch Ness Monster.

Well finally Scottish duathalon organizers are doing something about it!

Humboldt Squids Give me the Will to Blog Again!

Sometimes maintaining a semi-weekly updated blog just doesn't seem worth the effort. Sometimes I just need something incredible to get my rear in gear so that I can find the motivation to post. Something like these bad boys:
Yes it's time for ANOTHER STORY in the ongoing saga of the Pacific Coast Humboldt Squid Infestation! Today's gripping episode, Voracious Jumbo Squid Invade California .

They're coming, and they want our hake! According to the story, "Since their return, scientists have noted a corresponding drop in the population of Pacific hake, a whitefish the squid feeds on that is often used in fish sticks..." Stanford University researcher Louis Zeidberg is quoted as saying, "As they've come and gone, the hake have dropped off... We're just beginning to figure out how the pieces fit together, but this is most likely going to shake things up."

Shake things up indeed! If the Humbolt squids are not stopped and stopped soon, they may deplete our national supply of fish sticks. From there, it will only be a matter of time before they move on to our chicken nuggets.

Meet Mr. Blobby

Well, after feasting you eyes on all the glorious pictures of unusual squids I posted last time, I suppose y'all are hoping I'll post a few choice pix of that huge dead squid that washed up on a Tasmanian beach the other day.

Well, I'm not. I don't want no gross pictures of a rotten old squid on my blog. If you like rotten old squids the length of a bus so much, maybe someone should put one in your bed. We'll see how much you like rotten old squids after that. If I'm going to post pictures of unusual squid and other sea life on this page, it's going to be cute pictures of adorable sea life.

So check out Mr. Blobby!

Ha! Ha! Mr. Blobby cracks me up! How'd you like to find Mr. Blobby hiding under your pillow? I thought so!

He's a fish of the genus "Psychrolutes" called a "Fathead." He was trawled from the ocean off the northwest coast of New Zealand by the crew of the RV Tangaroa who named Mr. Blobby. You can read Mr. Blobby's story HERE although the "article" is more of a photo caption and does not contain much more information about Mr. Blobby than what I've already told you.

Part Squid, Part Octopus, All Cop

I’m sure those of you who scan the headlines on the Drudge Report regularly saw THIS ONE last week about the discovery of the so-called “octo-squid” found in a Hawaiian deep-sea pipeline filter. “Hoo boy!” I’ll bet you said. “A new species of squid! You know who loves squid? Good ol’ Uncle Steak! I bet he’s gonna be all over this story like stink on hippies!”

And then, as last week wore on, you were probably getting’ all antsy, saying, “What’s going on? Uncle Steak isn’t posting about the octo-squid! Did he miss this story? Octo-squid’s got all the advantages of an octopus combined with the squid’s natural superiority! Uncle Steak simply must post about this immediately!”

Okay, okay. Don’t get your hodoggles in a knot. Uncle Steak is well on top of the situation. Yes, there was a newly discovered species of squid that shared attributes of the octopus announced last week Here he is:
You know how I'm always keeping up with all the new developments on the squid front, so don't you go thinking I dropped the ball on the octo-squid by waiting a whole week before bloggin' up AN ARTICLE or two about it. Honestly, the reason why I haven’t yet posted about the octo-squid is because I’m just not that much excited about it. The truth is, a combination octopus-squid is just not as cool as you think it would be.

Squids have a mantle protecting its head. That’s what gives it that vague similarity to a mushroom cap. The squid also has eight arms and, usually, two additional tentacles. The octopus, on the other hand, have no mantle, just a fleshy, bulbous head. He has eight arms only and no tentacles.

So the octo-squid is simply a mollusk with a squid head and eight octopus arms. In other words, it is a squid that lacks the squid’s two additional tentacles. That’s hardly an advantage. On the other hand, he is kinda cute:
But it's not as though this is the first time we’ve seen a squid head on octopus arms. The Vampyroteuthis infernalis (literal transtlation: Vampire Squid from Hell . I kid you not.) is a member of the cephlapod family that also sports the squid's mantled head on top of the eight octopus arms. However, the Vampire Squid from Hell is infinitely cooler than the octo-squid. Check this bad boy out (click on image to enlarge):
If you have children, and those children have been very good, you should reward them by having a life-sized blow-up picture made of the Vampire Squid from Hell so that you can wallpaper their bedroom walls. Kids love the Vampire Squid from Hell. Heck, everyone loves the Vampire Squid from Hell. It’s got wicked cool webbing between its arms like a bat-cape, and its body is covered with photophores, light producing organs that allow him to disorient his enemies with bright flashes.

Move over, Liger! Vampyroteuthis infernalis. Is on the fast track to topping the short list of the very best animal ever!

Humboldt Squid Infestation on the Pacific Coast!

In keeping with this blog's continued interest in squids, I am linking you today to this article about an alarming growing population of Humboldt squids expanding northward and entrenching themselves along the Pacific coast from Chile to California.

According to all accounts, these squid are vicious S.O.B.'s with teeth-lined tenticles, evil beaks, and an insatiable appetite for human flesh!

The news article recounts a squid encounter with diver Alex Kerstitch, who was attacked after witnessing one of these creatures rip an "orange-sized chunk" out of a shark's head:

A squid grabbed his (Alex Kerstitch's) right swim fin and pulled downward. He kicked it away but another grabbed his head. The cactus-like tentacles found his neck, the only part of his body not covered with neoprene.

He bashed the squid with his dive light... and it let go, but it swiped both the light and the gold chain he'd been wearing.

Another squid wrapped its tentacles around his face and chest. Kerstitch dug his fingers into its clammy body.

It slid down and around his waist and pulled him downward in pulsing bursts. Then it suddenly let go, but made off with his compression meter.

Clearly these evil beings mean us no good. The only question before us now is this: What do the Humboldt squids want with our compression meters?

Mystery Fish

As per Scruffy's request here's a great fish for all the kids to enjoy:

It's called a longnose chimera fish and it looks like a total lie. I mean, this is one of those things that you look at and think, "that has GOT to be photoshopped." But it's not. Learn more about it here.

On one hand, I think he's kinda cute with his beady little eyes and his funny little flippers. On the other, it sort of gives me the creeps with its blank, staring expression.

More Adventures in Weird Fish News: Fleshy Headed Abberation from the Deep

Another weird fish was found recently. This time: a Colossal Squid that was fished out of the Ross Sea. At 39 feet in length and nearly half a ton in weight this is the biggest and heftiest squid ever found. Here he is:


A ghastly and horrifying perversion trolled from the depths of icy waters where man was never meant to venture. The fishermen who caught it hauled it aboard and posed for pictures with it:

Apparently the fishermen decided to bring back this abomination to be studied by scientists and ultimately to be put in a museum. This is exactly how John Carpenter movies and H.P. Lovecraft stories begin. If this were a John Carpenter movie, the guy in the above photo would be the first one to realize that the thing they brought on board was alive and intended evil for the entire human race. The audience would expect him to get killed right away, but he would be the one who surprises us by surviving for most of the movie. His character would be killed no earlier than second to last.

If this were a Lovecraft story, however, the guy in the photo would be an acquaintance of the narrator of the story. The narrator would begin his story like this: “I have no knowledge as to what has become of crewman Smith since he was taken from us that eldritch night by the creature from the damnable frozen sea. Some speculate that he was killed and I pray this to be so. For if he is still alive, he has surely been driven to cruel madness by what he must endure in those forbidden and damnable waters.”

In either case, that’s still a really big squid. Keep up the good work, fishermen dudes!

It's A Weird Fish!

Everyone loves the weird fish except me. They tell me, "The fish is magical! Rub his belly and he will grant you three wishes!"

I don't believe them. They can go worship their strange fish god if they want. I think it's a trick.