Look at this image from the movie and tell me, quickly, what’s wrong with it:
That’s right! The colors are far too bright and vibrant! King Leonidas is angry here because he thinks this frame needs to have the colors desaturated much more.Be careful King Leonidas! If you desaturate the color too much, you’ll turn into a complete monochrome! But King Leonidas doesn’t care! He wants his extreme close-ups to show the pores on his glare-white skin like craters on the bleached surface of the moon!
Color desaturation is King Leonidas’ favorite. Here he is in a scene from the movie where he yells for more desaturation:
I have no idea how they got the frame this weird yellowy color that makes King Leonidas look like a cartoon. It looks like they desaturated the hell out of it and then restored the color using the old Ted Turner method. Whatever they did, King Leonidas hates it! He's full of rage!
Xerxes couldn’t agree more. Here he is comforting King Leonidas with a shoulder massage:
King Leonidas’ beard is amazing, and Xerxes' hands are so big! Together they make a great team!
So get ready for the movie that’s got it all: glory, adventure, bullet-time head chopping, naked underwater girl, fake-looking blood splatter, Xerxes, bullet-time arm chopping, skin pores, phalanx, no hobbits, bullet-time chest stabbing, leather Speedos, dead bodies, Spartan packages, rhino charge, and extraneous voiceover narration.
Movies don't get more comic book than this!
RATING: 4 out of 5 stars
4 comments:
This movie changed my life. Thank you, Steak, for this in-depth analysis.
To be perfectly frank, I find your review to be much more tainted and commercial once you have seen a movie.
Don't let the flashy moving images and dialgue distract you. It is apparent from your review that the sheer magnitude of color blandity and questionable man on man action has led you astray. The only way to truely rate and review a movie by name and heresay alone. f possible, it is best if you can review without even knowing the actual name of the movie. This feat of perfection has been achieved by few, but is attainable.
In essence . . . I would have prefered a review of "that new Frank Miller movie - - the . . . you know. . . like Sin City but brown. I think it happened a long time ago. It's supposedly a factual account of real events." This is the only stage where one can achieve true greatness in the review game.
Not bad, zero, not bad.
Gerard Butler saves the movie -- but it is not because he is handsome, dashing, manly, saintly, and wonderful; it is because he is a good actor.
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