Obama's Boring Speech

Did you watch Obama deliver his boring speech about walls in Berlin yesterday? Me neither. Man, what a snorefest.

For a guy who has such a great reputation for oratory, he sure knows how to put an audience to sleep. Obama needs to take a course from Steak's School of Oratoracle Genius. Pay attention here; the tips I'm about to give are worth more than a lifetime membership with Toast Masters International

First, ignore people who tell you that a trick to relax while public speaking is to imagine your audience is naked. That never works.

Instead, the best way to feel relaxed in front of a large audience is to shoot eyebeams into the crowd at the end of every sentence.



An audience is never intimidating to a guy who is shooting random people with eyebeams!

My second tip--and this is really the key--is this: never write your own speeches. And don't hire a speechwriter to write one for you. Instead, always use Neo's speech from the last scene of The Matrix:

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

This speech is short, it's punchy, it's got a lot of "zing." Plus, it's worded in such a way that it's equally appropriate for any public speaking occasion. You can use it for a foriegn policy speech, a commencement address, a valedictory, an address to the stockholders of your company, a wedding toast, and even a eulogy!

Feel free to use these public speaking tips.