So it's now official. The Cleveland Indians have destroyed the NY Yankees hopes for a 27th World Series championship ring, denying the Bronx Bombers even a spot in the American League Championship Series.
Do I glory in the Yankees loss? Of course not. I love the Yankees.
Now, I know that there are some Yankees haters out there, but don't you dare count me among them. In fact, I am such a fan of the Yankees that I wish I could own the team, and thereby implement my Three-Step Strategy to Guarantee a Yankees Winning Season.
Here's how I would manage the Yankees if I were the owner:
STEP ONE: I would fire manager Joe Torre. His job's been hanging by a thread this whole post-season anyway. If I owned the Yankees, I'd drop him in a heartbeat and hire someone who knew something about baseball. Someone like former relief pitcher John Rocker.
After boosting fan confidence with this bold move, I would proceed on to...
STEP TWO: Wherein I would trade away Derek Jeter to the Boston Red Sox. Specifically, I would trade him for a ham sandwich.
Now, some of you might say, "If you're going to trade Derek Jeter, shouldn't you trade him for an actual baseball player?" I say, "No." Because I will need a ham sandwich since I will want something to eat during the press conference where I explain why I traded away Jeter to the Red Sox.
I will, after all, need to keep my strength up just to execute...
STEP THREE: In which I move the Yankees to Atlanta. Now, granted, Atlanta already has the Braves, but the Braves are in the National League, so they could totally accommodate an American League team.
And, besides, who wouldn't root for a team called "the Atlanta Yankees"?
That's my dream, anyway. A dream of one day owning the Yankees just so I could implement my Three-Step Strategy for winning the World Series.
So don't none of y'all ever accuse me of being a Yankee hater!
Dominic Is Starting New Trends
11 years ago
4 comments:
John Cheese!!! JOHN CHEESE!!!!!
"Back in the 1600s, the Germans and the Flemish (modern-day Belgium) called the Dutch Jan Kaas. This translates to John Cheese is was a derogatory nickname like "Joe Shmoe," being as the Dutch were know for their cheeses [source]. This name was later attributed to Dutch pirates and was used in the Caribbean as well as Europe. The English who sailed to the New World were also called Yankees, or something in between that and Jan Kaas. To those in England, inhabitants of the New World were all considered Yankees."
OK, fine. I have to say something. Your blog post made me so ANGRY! But then, it made me so happy! But Now I'm just confused as to what you just did to my emotions.
YANKEES SUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Man I'd trade the PLAYOFFS for a ham sandwich. Or five QUID!
I cold buy several ham sandwiches for five quid.
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