A day like May 11 comes around once in a lifetime! That is why me and Bridget over at Bridget's Krazy Korner have decided that May 11 must be declared National Hyperbole Day out of absolute necessity.
I realize that you probably wish you heard of this sooner. You are probably frustrated that I'm only telling you now about Hyperbole Day when it's past noon (EST) and the day is 99.9% over. Honestly, I wish I could keep up with this blog a little more, but it's just impossible since I've got about a billion things on my plate that demand immediate attention right now.
But I put them all aside to type up this update and tell y'all about National Hyperbole Day because it is honestly the most important thing in my life. I would have killed a hundred people to get to a computer with internet just to update this blog if that's what it took to publish this post about Hyperbole Day.
It's literally a matter of life and death.
Why do I care so much about Hyperbole Day? Well, in a word, because this is going to be the greatest day of your entire life. Nothing you've ever known before, and nothing you will ever know after will quite match the thrill of today. May 11. Hyperbole Day.
Today is the one day when over a quadrillion hyperbolic statements will be made every hemisecond. You absolutely must be part of this. If you do not, you may as well kill yourself right now.
There is no possible way you can go on without hyperbole. If you try to go this day (of all days!) in the complete and utter absence hyperbole, you will find nothing but despair and horror. Your life will become a complete and living nightmare from which you can never awaken. Because a person who does not use hyperbole on this day is, by definition, the very worst person to have ever existed on the face of this earth in the entire history of the universe.
I would rather undergo prostate surgery with a melon baller than let that happen to you.
So keep today, May 11, Hyperbole Day alive within your hearts, people! The hyperbole you create this day will directly affect the fate of all life within the most distant galaxy. If just one single person, even if he is in a coma, goes through this day without saying something even remotely close to hyperbole, then it would be better for all life if a catastrophic nuclear explosion had destroyed the entire world and/or the omniverse.
So let's give it a billion percent!
Dominic Is Starting New Trends
11 years ago
6 comments:
Wow. THAT is the BEST post I have ever read in my entire life. I can die a happy death now after having read the most beautiful, inspirational, fabulous, brilliant, wise words of this spectactular blog of blogs!
It's impossible to find better words than these! I feel like a million bucks now!
I couldn't feel better if I tried! This day (of all days!!!) is the most glorious day anyone could ever experience in the world and/or universe and/or omniverse!!!!
This is by far the most irrelevent post ever, ever made, on any blog ever written by anyone ever.
If wishes be fishes ye know i'd be a man o' riches!
Hmm.. I never was good at this. i mean in the history of the universe.
This post has been here a billion years
I could slit my wrists for missing this post on National Hyperbole Day. I will have this date tatooed so deeply on my forehead that when they exhume my body, my grandchildren will be able to read the date of National Hyperbole Day and remember the sheer earth shattering gravity of its significance.
My coffin itself will explain the value of a tactfully used run-on sentance inscribed in triplicate on all sides.
Fortunately, I am sure I made a number of preposterous hyperboles on National Hyperbole Day. I am in charge of the marketing material at my company. Hyperboles are my friend.
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