Your Final Six American Idols

I've been neglecting my American Idol updates ever since Sanjaya was booted off. There are six contestants left, and two are getting the ax tonight. I guess it's about high time I did my roundup on the few who made it this far.

Last night was Bon Jovi night, and no one sang "Runaway" or "Bad Medicine," which made me sad. I hope all the contestants go home for that oversight. Here's how they fared:

Jordin Sparks: Cute kid. Cute name. She's blown everyone away with her phenomenal performances right up until about a week or two ago. This spells trouble because the fact that she's really good makes her fans complacent about voting for her. They don't get alarmed when she has a bad week or two. Then, all of the sudden, no one's voting for her because she's not exciting the audience anymore and the people who like her don't bother to vote because they assume she's safe. This is how Constantine and Chris Daughtry got sent home. Jordin's probably in trouble tonight.

Melinda Doolittle: It is unbelievable the way this gal can belt out a tune. Jordin was probably the only one who could have given her serious competition in the final three. Now that Jordin's stumbling, Melinda could have this contest all buttoned up.

Last night she sang "Have a Nice Day," which is my very least favorite Bon Jovi song. But I liked her version. Anytime an Idol contestant sings the song better than the Original Artist is automatically safe.

Chris Richardson: Purportedly looks like Justin Timberlake, and that is about all that accounts for how he managed to get this far.

Every week he comes on and sings something nasally and forgettable. Last night he sang "Dead or Alive," and the reason he gave for singing it was because Chris Daughtry sang it last year. That scores him a 6.9 on the Richter Scale if the Richter Scale measured lameness instead of awesome, awesome earthquakes.

I hope he goes home tonight.

Blake Lewis: This cat's got some surprising talent. I was going to dismiss him out of hand, but every week he continues to come up with something interesting, sometimes unusual, always worth tuning in to watch.

Last night he sang a beatbox version of "You Give Love a Bad Name," and I was so sure I was going to hate it. But his weird remix rendition of the classic won me over. I think he deserves to win. Out of all of them, he's the only one who would make an album that would be interesting. Melinda's got some pipes, but I already know that when she makes an album, it's going to be just another Tina Turner-esque Mainstream Soul-fest that I'm not going to be interested in.

LaKisha Jones: Does this girl come with an OnStar button? 'Cause a body that looks like this must've been built by Cadillac!

OH HO!

Thank you, thank you. And please, anyone who wants to use that pickup line next time you're at a singles bar, feel free. My complements.

Solid singer. Solid performances. Last night she sang one of Mr. Jovi's more obscure songs that I've never heard before and that means I can't really remember her performance with any degree of accuracy. Performances that are difficult to remember are not a good thing. That could spell trouble for her tonight.

Chris Stacy: Most weeks he delivers songs in a singing style that reminds me of being in a coma. It doesn't help that his death-white pallor and dark circles under the eyes make him look how Uncle Fester might look if Uncle Fester lived off a diet of Slim-Fast Shakes and methadone. But his performances have improved the past few weeks.

Last night he did "Blaze of Glory," and while it had some problems, he more or less worked it out. He deserves a chance to stay, and I think he may have earned it with the fans.

Predictions For Tonight: I'm guessing Chris goes home. His faux-Timberlake looks can only carry him so far. Also, Jordin gets cut in an upset. Every season of American Idol needs at least one upset.