The First '08 Presidential Debate (It Rhymes!)

Longtime blog reader Zero Music expects serious debate analysis, and so, here it is:

I tried to watch the debate. I really did. I tuned in and watched Senator Obama say some fine words in his magnificent, sonorous voice. I immediately forgot them as soon as he was done speaking. Then Senator McCain siad something about "greed on Wall Street."

I couldn't take the Talking Points any more. I flipped around the channels until I saw that the Cartoon Network was showing the movie Zathura. So I watched Zathura for a while until I got my strength back up.

I flipped back to the debate. Obama said some more words in in his incredible, incredible voice. I can't remember what he said. Then McCain said, "We Republicans went to change government, and govenment changed us."

I watched a little more Zathura on Cartoon Network before flipping back to the debate. Obama was saying fine, fine words. Then McCain said that the way to fix the economy was to control Federal spending.

Gah. McCain spent the last half of the week in DC trying to midwife a $700 billion dollar bailout plan; NOW he tells us that the problem with the economy is too much Federal spending?!?

It was too much. I was slipping into despair. Not even Zathura could make it tolerable anymore.

So I turned off the T.V. and went to a bar.

They were showing the debate on the T.V.'s at the bar with the sound turned off (with closed captioning) so people could listen to the band. (The band was pretty good, btw.)

I sat at the corner seat of the bar doing a little people-watching with half my attention tuned to the closed-caption debate.

A few people hung out near me to watch a little of the debate. I couldn't hear most of what they said over the band, but I did manage to catch a few snatches of conversation.

They were looking at the debate and saying stuff like this:

"I don't want to vote for either of these guys."

"I can't imagine either of these clowns as president, can you?"

And the most revealing comment of the night came from one guy who walked up next to me and started watching the closed captioning: "I want to see which one of these guys can at least lie to me with a straight face before they become president," he said.

Cynicism.

Sarcasm.

Contempt.

These average, ordinary Americans in a typical American bar hated all politicians. They didn't care who was running, and they didn't care who won. They didn't believe either candidate could solve America's problems.

It was like pure, clean, baptismal waters washing over me; I felt reborn. My belief in our republican democracy was restored.

For the first time since this election cycle started, I feel that everything is going to be fine.