. . . "In a related story, Lindsay and Tony Miller were talked down from the Staten Island Bridge this morning, thwarting a joint suicide attempt. Apparently, the brother and sister team were working off the effects of a week long meth bender. Police said the pair were screaming about an impending squirrel attack. When investigating their home, several hundred half charred rodents, chipmunks, and small cats were found strewn about the property. Lindsay swears that her and her brother discovered a plot by the small mammals to overthrow the city government, and the animals decided the siblings needed to be silenced. Neighbors say that the meth-heads simply went crazy and have been lighting small animals on fire tossing them about the property for two weeks. . . ."
2 comments:
It was probably a Mafia Squirrel.
. . . "In a related story, Lindsay and Tony Miller were talked down from the Staten Island Bridge this morning, thwarting a joint suicide attempt. Apparently, the brother and sister team were working off the effects of a week long meth bender. Police said the pair were screaming about an impending squirrel attack. When investigating their home, several hundred half charred rodents, chipmunks, and small cats were found strewn about the property. Lindsay swears that her and her brother discovered a plot by the small mammals to overthrow the city government, and the animals decided the siblings needed to be silenced. Neighbors say that the meth-heads simply went crazy and have been lighting small animals on fire tossing them about the property for two weeks. . . ."
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