Talk Like A Pirate Day versus Talk Like a Viking Day

Yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day, and I just couldn't get into it. I think it's because pirates have gotten so mainstream that I've just don't feel like the whole pirate thing is authentic anymore. It's like before Vanilla Ice made the big time, I was like, "This guy's the real deal. A white rapper with some street knowledge!" But then Vanilla got popular, and I was already over him. Nowadays, people come up to me wanting to talk about Vanilla Ice, I'm just like, "That guy? He is so last week."

It's the same with pirates for me. When they were just an indy thing, I could dig it because they were always about the pirating. Now they have their own holiday, their own threequel, even their own pirate name generator website. But now that everyone likes pirates, I find I just don't want to be part of that crowd that latches on to pirates just because they're "the new big thing." I've moved on.

What have I moved on to? In a word: Vikings.

Vikings are totally cooler than pirates. So that's why I'm using this blog to designate today (of all days!) as International Talk Like a Viking Day!

That's right. I'm putting Talk Like a Viking Day in head-to-head competition with Talk Like a Pirate Day. Perhaps there will come a day when Talk Like a Pirate Day is remembered as nothing more than Talk Like a Viking's Day Eve. Of course, if that day ever comes, I probably won't like Vikings any more since I'm too cool to like stuff that is popular. But that a blog post for another day. This is the day where I teach y'all to talk like Vikings!

Step One: Speak in a thick Scandinavian accent.

If you don't do a good Scandinavian accent, try doing your best impression of a favorite Fargo character. It's not exact, but it'll give you a rough approximation of how to inflect Scandanavian vowels.

(Note: Frequent interjections of "Ya, yew betcha" and "Oo dyear" are unnecessary, but can be used at your discretion.)

Steps Twos: Pluralizes Everythingks:

Never say, "Hey, all you guys!" It's always, "Heys, alls youse guyses!" (Note that since "guys" is already plural, you have to double pluralize it when Talking Like a Viking.)

Ands that'sz prettys much its. Starts talkingks likes thisz, and soons youse will haves Talks Likes a Vikingks day ins fulls swingks!

Sadly, I don't have a Viking Name Generator to compete on an equal playingks field with Talk Like a Pirate Day. So for now, you'll just have to pick your Viking name from the following list:

• Erik the Red
• Erik Svensson
• Sven Erikkson
• Sklaarsglaar the Swedish Scourge
• Leif

UPDATE

(Tip o' the Tam to Dominic) Viking Name Generator