The Results are in! Angel Hair Spaghetti is the Best!

After long and careful deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that Angel Hair Spaghetti is the very best pasta ever. It is better than regular spaghetti because it’s thinner and therefore cooks faster. Once you get the water boiling, you can cook Angel Hair in a bare three minutes. Regular spaghetti takes almost three times as long.

Some people say that faster doesn’t necessarily mean better, but that’s a lie, as a quick look at the facts will soon demonstrate: which would you rather have, spaghetti in three minutes? Or in eight years? Keep in mind that, in this scenario, you are starving to death and have to eat spaghetti in the next three minutes in order to live.

Clearly Angel Hair Spaghetti is the superior pasta. It is far better than Linguini which always sticks together in the water and never cooks through uniformly.

A special mention has to be made of Pastina, which is the absolute worst pasta of all time. Pastina is like the crumbled up bits left over in a box of real pasta. Why would anyone even buy Pastina? Just make your own by smashing up regular spaghetti with a hammer. Then throw it away because it’s no longer good for any pasta dish except maybe Spaghetti That’s Impossible to Eat With a Fork.

What about Elbow Macaroni? Well you got me there. Without Elbow Macaroni, we would have no way of making Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. You have to respect the Elbow Macaroni. Who ever heard of making Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with Angel Hair Spaghetti? That would be a disaster.

Some people will tell you that you can make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with Shells. These people are lying to you. If you let them, these people will even claim that you can make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with Fusilli, or Rotini. Some even claim that Wagon Wheels or Bow Ties make acceptable substitutions. Never believe them.

If it’s not Elbow Macaroni, it’s not Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.