Kerry Speaks at DC Global Warming Rally

One-time presidential candidate John Kerry spoke today at a rally in Washington DC to speak out against Global Warming. Midway through his speech, he was attacked and killed by a giant Polar Bear that was stalking his head.Did you know that Polar Bear fur is not really white? The hairs are actually translucent and hollow. It has been theorized that the hollow hairs act as fiber optic tubes that direct the heat of the sun to the Polar Bear’s black skin. However, recent research has debunked this.

Personally, I believe that the Polar Bear absorbs the radiant energy of the sun through its hollow hairs and converts it into laser beams that it can shoot through its eyes. This amazing ability of the Polar Bear was demonstrated dramatically by Global Warming Bear, who also attended today’s Global Warming Rally with his cryptic sign.

Some scientists believe that the carbon residue from Polar Bear eyebeam attacks contribute to greenhouse gases and the phenomenon of Global Warming.

Global Warming Bear’s four-hour eyebeam rampage left 14 dead and another 37 critically wounded.